Poem published in 2015 in Bear the Pall: Stories & Poems about the Loss of a Parent.

Book can still be purchased HERE

I hate having to say good-bye,
I hate having never said good-bye.
That my head knows but my heart
doesn’t seem to care.
That my heart cares but my head
remembers.
That I couldn’t see past your illness,
your beatings,
your apathy,
your internal struggles,
or your lack of care for mine.
I hate that people hated you
before you were laid down to rest.
I hate that they tell me to love you
for who you weren’t,
for whom my heart still wishes you were.
I hate you for leaving,
every time you left.
I hate me for letting you come back.
I hate you for putting me in this position.
I hate me for making you put me in this position.
I hate that some day I’ll end
up in the same bed you did, dying
of broken innards and a bleeding heart.
I hate that I couldn’t get past the things
you did to me.
I hate that you’re my father.
I hate that I’m a terrible son.